Why Do People Relapse?
Why dos it seem like some people are always relapsing? Perhaps it's perspective, as it is not uncommon for a person who has put together long-term sobriety to wonder why a newcomer just can't seem to put together any significant length of clean time. While there is no singular reason or set of characteristics which will cause a person to relapse, there are several factors that appear over and over in these occurrences. We will take a look at some of these below:
Completing the 12-Steps
While AA, NA and/or any other 12-step program have no monopoly on recovery, they do have a tremendous track record. For example, AA claims to have helped several million people recover from alcoholism since it's inception in the 1930's. I can personally attest to it's effectiveness as well. Something you may notice if you go to meetings for a while, occasionally someone will ask the meeting who all has experienced relapse before and to raise the hands. Then the speaker often asks, who has finished the 12 steps and also experienced relapse. Typically the amount of hands that come up for the second question are significantly less than the original question. It's not so much as though some sort of magic happens after completing the 12 steps but the commitment to completing them and thus, the commitment to recovery, coupled with the therapeutic healing and discovery mechanisms within the 12-steps, tend to be quite effective.
People, Places and Things
This one should not be underestimated. It has become popular in some recovery circles to push the limits of our sobriety. The big book does say that I can go anywhere on God's green earth if I'm in "fit spiritual condition." While that is true, I should seek to protect my recovery and not test my recovery. There also tend to be people from our past lives that we will be whole heartedly better off never seeing again. The type of person where are whole relationship was based around drugs and/or alcohol. Do I really have anything else in common with them? If the answer is no, then what are my motives for seeking that person out. If I run into them at the grocery store, for example, that's fine and I should be polite and cordial but I should also keep it brief if possible. In recovery I have a unique opportunity to rejoin society and by doing so I am exposed to countless people who are either recovered or don't consider themselves alcoholics in the first place. I will do myself a great service by prioritizing building social circles with this lot. I always tell newcomers that the best parties I ever went to were all in sobriety. And that's a truthful fact and I don't mean boring basement AA parties either. I mean celebrity filled, music and dance filled fiestas.
Issues with Honesty and Communication
If I can't be honest with my support group how can they help me avoid a drink if they don't have an idea of where I am mentally and in my recovery. A fellow alcoholic once told me that I should be completely honest with at least one other person. The way I understand that is that I don't have to tell everything about me to everyone or one specific person but I need to find a person to tell portions too at the least. There may be one or several issues I'm not comfortable speaking to my sponsor about and in those scenarios I need to strategize and find someone I can trust. Perhaps a priest, counselor or a kind mannered stranger from a recovery meeting. Our secrets truly do keep us sick and so for me, it is a dangerous burden to carry around secrets of any sort.
Furthermore, if I am struggling with something in my life or in deep resentment, I am far better off finding someone to share my load with and express my feelings with, compared to shouldering that load alone. Far too often I have seen people stop coming to meetings and when asked they make up a lie of convenience and thus block any help that could come from me or the home group.
The more I share with my fellows, the safer I am in my recovery.
Other Factors to Consider
There are a handful of things we could say here but another strong insurance policy against relapse is arming yourself with a solid foundation through long term drug and alcohol rehabilitation programs and/or long-term sober living programs. Studies have shown time and time again that people who go to 6-month addiction treatment programs compared to those who go to shot-term addiction treatment programs. Those who go to the longer term recovery programs tend to achieve long-term sobriety of a year or longer as much as 60% more than those who go to short term sober living or rehab programs.
If you are struggling with relapse an want to talk to someone, we are happy to chat and share experience, strength and hope with anyone. Drop us a message in the contact form or get to a local recovery meeting and reach up your hand and share about it. Remember that our secrets keep us sick.